When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
