can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
