jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
