Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
