I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
