Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
