listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
