Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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