feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
