I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
