What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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