so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
