I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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