i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
