I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
