What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
