he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
