Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
