Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
