you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
