you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
