so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
