put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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