it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
