I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
