Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
