i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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