Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
