So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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