He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
