I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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