He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
