Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how do flat chested girls get laid?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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