halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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