The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
