Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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