apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Everyone says I win the strip club
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
