take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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