so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
