After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
