I hate your face
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
