I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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