I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
