chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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