Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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