i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
