Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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