I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
