you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
