Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
