and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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