there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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