When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
