You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
