I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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