"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
