my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
