I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
