: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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