And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
