He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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