You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
