Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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