I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
