Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
