I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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