Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
