Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
