fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
