How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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