We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
