and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
