Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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