white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
