Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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