it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
