jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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