i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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