i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
